Have you ever had a grudge against someone? How much free rent space did that person take up in your head? Were you contemplating all the ways you could get them back? Did you fear what they could/would do to you? What would you do if this person wanted to reconcile with you? Would you trust them?
Is this person for you a bully you endured, a coworker you feuded with, a neighbor who disrespected you? Or was this someone even closer like a friend or a family member? Sometimes, we can have the hardest time giving/receiving forgiveness to/from the people closest to us because we hold them to a ridiculously high standard and therefore, perceive their transgressions in a harsher way than others.
Maybe you’ve experienced this in your own family. Maybe you are patient with others, but your family drives you crazy. Again, we can expect way more out of our family than they can possibly live up to this side of heaven. And sometimes we need to get our hearts and minds around what we might be giving up for the sake of fear, mistrust, and unreasonable expectations.
In today’s reading, we experience a sort of reconciliation story for Jacob and Esau. These two brothers haven’t seen each other for 20 years and they did not part on good terms. In fact, Jacob had twice deceived his brother. The first time was in getting Esau’s birthright (a double portion of the family inheritance) for a bowl of soup (Genesis 25:27-34). The second time Jacob deceived his father, Isaac, into giving Jacob the special blessing reserved for Esau (Genesis 27).
Knowing how Jacob had twice deceived Esau, causing Esau to want to kill him, Jacob left for 20 years. Then, as Jacob begins returning to his homeland, Jacob gets word that Esau is on the way to meet him. Understandably, Jacob begins fearing for his life.
Yet the fear was unfounded. Time has healed wounds and Esau is ready to welcome his brother Jacob back warmly. Still, the fear holds Jacob back. He again deceives his brother.
See, it can be hard to accept forgiveness and reconciliation from the ones we fear. We might wonder if the change of heart is real or a show. While there are definitely times to put up boundaries because it would not be physically safe otherwise, it is also true that when we give into fear of what might be, it can rob us of the opportunity for some amazing gifts, such as a repaired relationship and renewed hope.
God is calling us as a people to seek reconciliation. And we must choose whether to let fear keep us from that calling. After all, it was God who sought reconciliation with us, even though we have betrayed him over and over again. Yet, he never gave up on us. And he calls us not to give up on others either. Instead, we are called to love where the world says love is not possible because remember, with God, all things are possible.
Questions for reflection:
- Who have you been holding off forgiving and reconciling with? What fears are holding you back? Prayerfully ask God to show you the way forward.
- Who in your life might be holding resentment against you? Plan to seek their forgiveness and repair the relationship. Ask God to help you overcome the fear.