“I can fix it” are four of the most famous last words in modern society, and the last four before I was electrocuted. 

During seminary, I worked as a “Facilities Manager” at First Lutheran Church in White Bear Lake, Minn. I spent most of my time at my pastoral internship at a church plant, but I needed another part-time job, and I had a connection with First Lutheran’s intern, an ornery classmate named Danny Housholder. 

Here’s something you should know: I had not managed a facility. Nor did I quite understand what that meant. But YouTube is available wherever my phone is, and I learned how to fix a lot of toilets and sinks through the internet. My boss, Jeff, understood I was just a happy-go-lucky grad student with no skills but a good attitude, and hired me anyway. It was a fantastic job. 

All that can be true, and a 20-something with music and religion degrees from a liberal arts school has no business trying to fix a light ballast.  

One day, I decided that I could figure out what was wrong with one of our lights in the entryway. It couldn’t be that difficult, right? I knew the lightbulb wasn’t the problem, so I figured I’d take some things apart and make sure that the connections were there. I was going to be able to go home and tell my new wife that I was handy and self-sufficient. 

But more than anything, I wouldn’t have to go tell Jeff that I couldn’t do it. Doing so would validate this lurking insecurity: You shouldn’t have this job. You have no idea what you’re doing. You’re a fraud.   

I thought that if I was able to fix it without needing any help, maybe it would disprove those insecurities. And so I climbed up a ladder and utterly electrocuted the living daylights out of myself. Let’s be clear: I’m fine, although my personality might make sense to more of you now that you know this story.

It feels bad when something is broken, but if we can fix it by ourselves, we believe it means we are not broken. 

In 1 Samuel, the Philistines realized they’d made a terrible mistake stealing the Arc of the Lord, because of the death and destruction it caused. And they ask their own spiritual leaders how to fix it, instead of the God they’ve angered. What did it lead to? More death and destruction.

Here’s the thing: you are broken. In my own story, I was unqualified but was allowing my one fear to discount Jeff’s kindness as well as the other support I had around me. No one cared except me that I couldn’t fix the light. More than anything, I was trying to prove my own goodness over what God had put around me. And what happens when we rely on our own strength on this side of heaven? We get electrocuted. Or at least, we fail to both see the results we desire and to bring glory to the God who has put other people in our lives.

Question for reflection:

  • It feels bad when something is broken, but we can rely on the God who makes things whole. Where are you relying on your strength instead of the blessings that God has put in your life?